Tuesday, and it's already a bad week.

My best friend has been not talking to me for over a week. It possibly has been longer than that, because I haven't seen her in more than a month. She keeps having excuses as to why we can't hang out. Then last week all went to hell. I've called and texted her approximately 30 times (not an exaggeration) with no response. I'm 6 weeks out from my wedding and she's refusing to talk to me. I've never been so lonely as I have been this last week. I don't know what to do at this point. I cry all the time, at my cube, in the bathroom, at home, in the car, at my mom's house ... It never ends.

Then yesterday Christen's best friend lost his job.


Selfish you

You never are a person I can lean on. You're so preoccupied with your own problems. Is it selfish of me to wish that you'd care about me? That you'd answer my phone calls, or call me back? I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just asking for you to listen. I'm sick of listening.


Yay for prez day!

I'm so happy to have a 3-day weekend. You don't even understand. The regular weekend went by pretty quickly. Saturday we ran errands and tried to help my mom replace her sliding glass door. No good. We also went to get our sample cake, which turned out okay after only a mild breakdown by yours truly. Sunday we spent most of the day at home, cleaning and addressing invitations.

Today I have a very busy day planned. Taxes, hair dye, dinner with the almost-hubby, and more invitation addressing. Sounds delightful!


Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Christen's working tonight so I'm having dinner with my mom and siblings. I hope you have someone to share the day with that you love, no matter in what capacity!



Don't you hate when you pinkie swear you won't tell on news that you found out and then once you found out you really want to tell people? Especially when you planned on telling people before, but you didn't plan on getting pinkie-sweared into not telling.

Dear you,

I miss your friendship. I know I shouldn't, it's been a long time. But somehow I keep getting sucked in to wondering what it would be like to still be friends. We were, once. After love was dead and before spite got in the way. I wonder now if we'd even like each other if we hung out again -- we've both changed so much. I've realized that I like being girlie and professional and I've dropped the little kid act. You ... well, I don't know you anymore. You spend your time with people I don't know (and likewise) and have interests that I don't know. I've found my own interests and realized that I don't enjoy most of what you did.

Still, I find myself dreaming about you. You babysitting my kids, us hanging out and being silly, you finding the one of your dreams. I want that for you the way I found it for me. And maybe then it would be easier to call you and say, "What are you doing tuesday? I need a friend."

The fates are alligned in a plot to keep me from getting to work on time.

That's all I'm saying.


37 cents.

We had such a terrible dinner last night. We were all out in Orlando- Shea, Kyle, Christen and I, and wanted to go to our very favorite restaurant out there -- Jungle Jim's. They have fantastic burgers, and not ones that we can get out here, so we always make the effort to go there. So we get there around 6:30 and THEY'RE CLOSED. No note on the door, no "We've moved our location", just gone. So we drove out to the Church St. Station location, which I haven't been to in 6-7 years, and we couldn't find them either. So back to Crossroads, and we ended up eating at Buffalo Wild Wings, and the food was terrible, the service was horrible, and the manager didn't give a rat's ass. All around bad, bad experience. Although none of ever leave bad tips, we snuck out with only leaving a 37-cent tip because we were all just so mad. I've never done that -- usually I will just round my dollars down instead of up if I'm unsatisfied. This time -- well, I'm never going back there anyhow. Not to the one here either, actually. Other April said she's never had a bad experience there but I'm not chancing it. If you work for BWW, please don't try to bribe me with coupons -- I don't even want them.

Other than that, though, it was a pretty decent weekend. As I mentioned, I was drunk on Friday night. Actually, I went to happy hour at Bar Louie, and although I really wasn't that tipsy while leaving, I opted to get a ride home anyhow, and by the end of the ride I felt trashed so it was a good thing I got a ride. It was way fun, and I was so glad I went.

Other highlights:

-- Went to dinner Saturday night with Christen's parents and my dad. Leaving, I was talking to my dad and he goes, "I've never noticed how green your eyes are", and I said, well, I'm wearing contacts ... and he was aghast that he didn't even notice! :) It was very funny. I'm not wearing colored contacts, but my eyes are a dark hazel so they range from more brown to more green.

-- Went to the outlet mall in Orlando w/ the crew on Sunday. Fun, and I got two shirts for very cheap. Downtown Disney yielded a bath bomb (incentive for me to clean the bathtub) and almond soap. We also stopped in to Ragland Road for a beer and appetizer which was very cute, but next time we'll opt for the outside "Hole in the Wall" bar. It seems to have a bit more character. There is a Guiness Hat picture floating hereabouts of Shea and I. We also played minigolf, and I came in last. Great fun!

Work now, but it hasn't been too bad. I'm looking forward to the three-day weekend! 1/2 day down, 4 1/2 left!



Been drinking.


I sleep now.




So last week was bad. Like, bad, bad. Bad. By Friday night my face hurt from frowning and I was falling asleep on Nana's couch during cake and ice cream for her 82nd birthday. Everything came to a head: work sucked, wedding things weren't getting done, Christen was going to start working nights, stress was falling out my ears.

So this week I've decided to make an about face and stop worrying. As for work, I can only do what I can do. Other than that, I'm done worrying about it. As for the wedding, since Christen is working nights anyhow, I can start working on everything on my own and not have to worry about what's not getting done. If I do it myself, I don't have to think about it so much. Tonight I'm going to stop at JoAnn's and get things for favors and see what I can figure out on that front. I haven't really decided what I want to do, which makes things difficult. I've been skimming through Frommers.com and tripadvisor.com to find hotels in our price range that are nice so I can make reservations pronto. Does anyone know of hotels in San Francisco, the vineyards, Yosemite and Vegas that are nice and stay around $100/night? I don't need a lot of amenities, just clean and cute work for me. And for the longest stretch, in the vineyards, clean is my biggest thing. We plan on staying in San Fran for 1 night, Sonoma or Napa for 7 nights, Yosemite for 2 nights and Vegas for 2 nights.

The weekend was good but busy. Saturday I worked at the library in the morning to make up for my Mondays that I've been taking off, and then I had a cake tasting. I really liked the chef and the cake but he was so busy. We ordered a sample cake to see if what we want will work out, and we'll have to decide on that later. I'm not too concerned, because at least we've started on it. The afternoon was dedicated to taking my mom up to Spring Hill to get a bike. That worked out well, but it seems there is an issue with the battery that now needs to be resolved. Because nothing's ever easy, right? That night we went over to Charlie & Katie's new place (a wonderful 3 block walk) and brought Lola to mingle with their dog Holly. That was a trip -- Holly kept running from Lola with her tail between her legs.

Sunday I made guacamole and we ordered wings for the superbowl. S&K and S&R came over, and we had a great time. I'd venture to say that it was one of the best time that I've had with the six of us. We had a fire in the pit behind the house and Shell and Rich stayed until very late having s'mores and listening vaguely to the end of the game. And it was a great game! I have to say, I didn't really care who won, but I love turnovers. They're so exciting! And I was technically rooting for the Colts (Kyle was the only pro-Bears rooter of the day) so things went well.


We spoke in whispers of poetry
Stolen lines of script
Glimpses of melody
Traces of memories.

Notes from the past are now buried
Between old pages
Lost like old friends
Pulled out for a sweet smile

Happiness forgotten in the shadows
Of a bitter voice
Once there was joy and hope, but
You gave up and I moved on.

These are the keys to doors that no longer open
Drafts of feelings no longer felt
Hope for lives no longer joined
Poems of moments since forgotten

Once we spoke in poetry
But I’ve stopped believing in it
Stuck to writing the stories of my life
And I’m coming up for Air.