Clarification on a tired topic:

I'm posting this in response to the comments I've gotten from my dear readers about my wedding plight. I'm only posting this here, not on MySpace, because I really don't want him to read it and I'm not sure if he does read the MS blog but I know he doesn't read this one: I forbade it about 2 1/2 years ago and I don't think he's looked back since. So here goes:

Christen and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years now. We started dating in December 2002 and have since been joined at the hip. We love each other with a love that I have never known before, either in giving or receiving. I know, without a doubt, that he is the one for me. He as well often mentions that I am the only one for him.

About the wedding, though, he and I have been talking seriously about getting married for more than a year. We talk in passing about our colors, our flowers, what kind of car we want to take us from the wedding to the reception ... this talk isn't at all one-sided. We both have brought things up about it when we think about it. He's taken me ring shopping once. Sunday we were at the beach and he brings up how before the wedding he wants to work out a lot to get back to the shape he was in before we started dating and I fattened him up (that last part is my embellishment, but we all know it's true). I said, "What wedding?" because we're going to two in the next five weeks and I can't imagine him dropping too much weight between now and then. "Ours, of course" was his response. Of course.

So I've been getting a little frustrated at the fact that a very large chunk of my friends have been getting married and/or engaged in the last year. And by a large chunk I mean more than 20. So my thoughts are consumed by weddings. Planning other people's, deciding what to get for this or that bridal shower, and in the meantime I've started planning ours. It just happened: I was helping his cousin shop for a dress for her wedding and I picked out mine. I was with my best friend shopping for bridesmaids dresses and I picked out the ones I wanted too. And it doesn't help that he eggs it on -- he asked me over lunch a few weeks ago what colors I had decided on for the wedding.

In the immortal words of Billy Crystal, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." So this is where I am on the subject.

He, on the other hand, seems to think the talking comes easier than the doing. I've tried figuring out what the problem is. He's very traditional, so I know he doesn't want me to propose to him. And I've explained to him that if money is the issue, I don't need much of a ring to start. A pretty promise ring or something is quite fine with me -- upgrades can always come later. But I think (I think, because he's not quite so forthcoming with information) is that he just wants everything to be perfect first. He's not at the job that he wants right now, we don't have all the money we'd like to have right now, etc etc. But life isn't perfect, and I guess he doesn't realize that right now.

The reason I've stopped talking to him about wedding stuff is twofold. a) because it bothers me to talk about something that isn't happening right now, and b) because I don't want to pressure him into doing something he's now ready for. I know we're meant to be together. I just wish the rest of my life would start sooner rather than later.


Kristy said...

Ok, so you don't know me even though I've been reading you sporadically. So this is unbiased assvice.

I asked my husband to marry me. Yes, I said "I ASKED my HUSBAND to marry me." Why? (I can hear you asking..)

Because when we met I was going through a horrid divorce and said, "I will never do this stupid shit again!" HE said, "ok, so I will never ask you because I won't be able to take the rejection, so if you ever change your mind...you'll have to ask me."

How did I propose? I bought HIM a ring. A simple band ring for $199 on sale at Zales for $159.

Since I said "my husband" you know that he said yes. We got married on the beach last November.

Perhaps you need to pick out invitations and ask him for a date when doing so? (ie: narrow down a time frame from the boy)

However it goes...good luck.

Jamie said...

If he brought it up within the week, then I think you'll be okay!

ordinarygirl said...

I hope I didn't come off judgemental because I didn't mean that at all. From all that I've read here it definitely seems that Christen is a great guy.

I just know that I tend to jump to conclusions when I'm trying to figure that out and sometimes I'm completely off base.

I hope everything goes well for the two of you and that someday I will read about your wedding plans here.

AutumnStar said...

Could you tell him you either want to stop talking about this completely or start setting some dates all ready?
Or that his comments are actually making this harder for you?
That you don't care if the ring is small or the wedding takes place in your backyard, what you want is the symbolic commitment of love and partnership?
Good Luck, HoneyBlossom!

the frog princess said...

I don't think any of you were being judgemental, just trying to help! I just wanted to lay it all out there and show that I know it's not all onesided, and I know that he loves me and wants to be with me, but that I'm frustrated that we're not moving on from here -- And autumn, I think you're right. I think I'm going to have to tell him that if he's not serious he needs to stop talking about it because I just can't take it anymore. But I'm going to wait to sit him down and say that after the wedding season. That way maybe these next couple of weddings might jar him a little.

sunshine said...

Since this is a touchy subject (and since I am one of those friends that is getting married) I will be brief. If I were in your situation, I would probably tell him something like this: "Look, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want our future to start as soon as possible. It doesn't have to be perfect, nothing is. As ong as I have you I will be happy. If you are holding out becuase of trivial factors then don't. I don't need the expensive diamond or the great job...(with all the reasons you think that he is stalling). Take it with a grain of salt (like all advice). It will happen if and when it is meant to.

p.s. And this I know from experience, so you can present this to him as fact - he is not going to start losing weight/getting into shape until that date is set. There's nothing like a deadline to get the adrenaline pumping (I still have 25lbs & <5 months in which to lose it).

VegasGustan said...

No worries, you two have the love the rest will fall into place when it is supposed to.

Deb R said...

Just saying hello today from Michele!

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