8.11.2005

I know I promised but I'll get to it ...

I'm deciding to be lax in answer Mama M's questions and I wrote that I'd put JG's questions up too, but I'm feeling blue so I'm going to do that on Sunday, maybe, when I get back into town.
I think there's something wrong. With me. I'm starting to breakdown, just a little, which wouldn't really matter that much because I usually pull it together. But I started having my breathing problems again which I haven't had to deal with in any large amount since ... well, since my ex-fiance and I broke up. See, I have these anxiety attack things where my body refuses to breathe like a normal human being and I get all lightheaded and jumpy and cross. I think it has affected me a total of 2 weeks over the last 2 1/2 years, which is fantastic except that an entire week of that is the last week. I know I'll get over it but I'm tired of this. Prescriptions don't seem to help, and I don't really want to talk to my doctor about it because he'll just send me to a specialist. Because that's what he does.
Also, since Christen hasn't been around because of the new job I've been hating coming home. I'm genuinely upset to come home to an empty house every night. It makes me depressed, and I hate being depressed so that makes me more depressed. I've been trying to do other things to get my mind off of it -- not working. I really hate being by myself, period. I cried when I went to my mom's house tonight and no one was home. I told my sister that I was coming for her clothes (we're going out of town this weekend) and that maybe I'd bring dinner or something. When I got there there wasn't aybody there, so evidently Mom had come home and taken the kids to her friend's house and Jamie never told her that I was coming. I sat in the living room for an hour reading and hoping they'd come home. But then I came home. I don't need to be entertained, I just need a warm body near me. I'm seriously thinking about getting an animal.
Anyhow, enough about me. I'll be entertaining next time, I promise.

4 comments:

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Sorry you are going through so much...go look at my answers on my blog (in the comments) and see if that cheers you up at all!

And you don't have to be entertaining - its your space, we'll listen to whatever you have to say!

the frog princess said...

Eh, it's really not too bad -- I talked to Christen about getting a pet when I get back in town and he'll be fine with whatever I'm fine with. I just don't like being alone in the house. But I'm better now. :)

Bob said...

Sounds like you definitely need a pet in your life for those people-free periods. I have a houseful but it still makes my day when my cat jumps up on my lap at night while I'm watching tv.

L said...

hmmm.... if you have a hard time again, give me a call. I can always take you out to a movie (with or without other people), or I can always talk your ear off :)